Senator Fuckface

From: Senator Fuckface

To Whom It May Concern:

After this office recently received several emails from a prominent church in my home district, I felt it was my responsibility to research the issue at hand in order to better communicate with the constituency of our district. What I found upon my research was disturbing, to say the least. This email is meant as a courtesy calling to alert you that the eye of the United States government is now upon you. You would be best advised to clean up your image or risk the involvement of all the power I can bear against you. You have now been warned.

Signed,

(Some Douchebag Senator)

Our Response: Oh REALLY? A Senator? From the real-life government!?! Oh GOD, we’re DOOMED! Dude, seriously. Your email address doesn’t have a “.gov” anywhere in it. In fact, your email address is from a fucking CHURCH! I’m sure you Bible-thumping kid-touchers did everything you could to get your local senator to pay attention to your lame little squeals of unhappiness. I’m also pretty sure you all got courtesy letters written by Senate Aides that all said the same damn thing: “Thank you bringing this matter to my attention, dear sirs and/or madaams. We will look into this matter with all the haste of God and His Angelic Host. Don’t forget to vote! For me!” Whatever. I’m sure I’m not too far off the mark, right? Keep trying to get your government officials to shut us down, and you’ll one day realize that THEY CAN’T FUCKING TOUCH US! We’re protected by Free Speech, bitches! Fucking Joe Biden’s offices bought shit from us, AND President-Elect Obama’s Press secretary bought some shirts from us during their campaign! It sounds like the elected officials you’re trying to get after us have better senses of humor then YOU do. Shut the fuck up and suck on my Freedom Stick!

-FMS